COPING WITH DAILY LIFE IF YOU HAVE A CANCER: COMPANIONSHIP
We all enjoy spending time with friends and loved ones, and in any case, the stimulation of visitors can be beneficial. There will be times when you feel the need for almost constant support and companionship. If you are experiencing a ‘low’ period and feel anxious and vulnerable then the company of a loved one or a good friend is invaluable – how often do we admit in times of stress or crisis (although usually after the event) that ‘I couldn’t have got through it without X’? At other times you may prefer to be alone with your own thoughts or to go out on your own in order to feel more independent. Your needs will vary, and while it may not be possible for family and friends always to be with you when you need them, it is helpful if they can understand when and why you need them most.
If you live alone or your wife/partner works full-time, then you will need to devise ways to ensure you have sufficient company and support. Even if you are generally happy to be alone, it is important that you do not feel isolated and unable to ask for companionship when you need it. Picking up the phone and letting a friend or relative know that you’d appreciate a visit can be hard at first – there may be some sense of admission that you can’t manage on your own, which you find difficult. This is not, of course, the case – often, people are delighted to be asked, and flattered that you have chosen them. It is very important not to let pride stand in your way! If you do usually live alone, it is likely that hospital staff will insist on arrangements to be made for your support and care before you are able to go home after treatments. This is not because they do not trust you to look after yourself, but because side-effects and problems can be unpredictable, and it is in nobody’s interest not to take suitable precautions.
From a practical point of view, you may need more support than usual with everyday tasks which you have always undertaken without a second thought, such as preparing meals or getting around and out of the house. Treatment can have unexpected effects on your physical strength and stamina, and it is important to make sure that back-up is available when you need it. This doesn’t necessarily mean you need someone to look after you full-time, although one option is to ask a relative or friend to stay with you for a time. If this is not feasible or desirable, your district nurse can arrange to visit you at home each day, and Marie Curie or Macmillan nurses can offer more specialist nursing care if you need it. Your GP can visit to check that you are coping with your medications and any side-effects. An occupational therapist can also advise on any special equipment to make managing at home easier for you.
Arrangements for both emotional and practical support may need to be more structured if you live or spend most of your time alone and can’t rely on the presence of a wife or partner. You may have to make a more conscious effort to ensure that you have all the help you need – but this does not mean that you will manage any less effectively.
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