SEX THERAPY: LEARNING TO HAVE PLEASURABLE SEX WITHOUT INTERCOURSE IS A GOOD WAY TO EXPOSE SOME MYTHS ABOUT SEX

March 27, 2009, 7:44 am

Learning to have pleasurable sex without intercourse is a good way to expose some myths about sex. Many men think that an erection is necessary for a woman’s sexual pleasure, but in fact it is not. A woman can experience much joy and achieve orgasm without an erect penis being in the picture. That does not mean that a woman won’t enjoy intercourse, just that ifs not always necessary. Like many of us, Caroline felt that intercourse was “real sex,” and other pleasures didn’t quite qualify. Learning otherwise made her feel better and enjoy sex more. And realizing that sex and pleasure don’t require an erection is reassuring—and re-energizing—to many men.

Once genital touching is permitted, the therapist might explain that the woman should gently caress the man’s penis until he gets an erection. Then she stops touching until the erection goes away—without the man ejaculating. The lovers can then repeat the exercise. Doing this several times gives the man practice in getting, losing and regaining an erection. It’s reassuring to both partners to realize that an erection once lost is not gone forever.

Or the man might caress the woman. Some men have always been the more active partner in sexual encounters, and they may find it difficult to relax and let their partner give pleasure to them, as the exercises require. One way around this is for the man to caress and stroke his lover first. Initiating the exercise may make it easier for him to then let his companion take the lead.

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